oh hey so look, another beloved has given up on you.











and it's all your own undoing.

"to tell you i think you could be better"


i think human beings can never be satisfied with what they have.
but how can one be contented with the least of the most basic expectation of anything? 
try spelling disappointment backwards a hundred times.

and maybe you'll get what i mean.

on a happier note.....

MOTHER AND FATHER GOT ME A GUESS WATCH FOR MY BIRTHDAY! 

i know it's still early, and rich people will say "only guess what so happy for what?" BUT. it's the thought that counts alright!
and i know that they are trying to show me in their way that they love me and want to encourage me to go to school and stuff.

i totally love them lah! and it's totally super close to the one i wanted the other time. it's pink, and sparkly, and has hearts! totally what a closet fan of shiny, and sparkly stuff will love! not to mention i love pink a lot, but i can't quite express it sometimes, cause i bet people will look at me and go "urgh?" 

HAHA.

anyway, i attended schooooooool! from ten to six, but i was late for an hour, so i endured eight hours of school! or is it seven? haha no idea. -..-

ahem.

i'm like super proud of my perseverance.

went to yishun with cyn, and walked around a few times. like coooool lah the place! i'm so totally going to buy shoes from that shoe store. those yellow heels are like O.O niceeeeeeeee! haha then she walked me to the interchange where i took a loooooooooong bus to his house area, and changed a bus to kovan, destination hk cafe. -..- troublesome shit. but i guess its worth it. wasn't feeling well, or maybe it was the too cold air conditioning. hate how the rain always gets people sick, cause an umbrella is just totally inconvenient.

and .....

(spacings)

i really can't help it.
i'm not happy.
not happy not happy not happy not happy not happy.
and i hate that feeling cause when we're together you make me feel quite blissed out.
it's really those little actions that show you care.
like being thoughtful, or being sincere about what you say.
and i wish.....
and sometimes it feels like i'm not good enough for you.
and..... it sucks.

cause girls say things they don't mean.

and they think guys get it.

lol. don't think you'll see it anyway. so uh who careeeeeeees yo.

ho.

ho ho ho.

ho..

i'm tired.

anyway, there is school tomorrow, so i have to go to bed earlier.

goodnight world. (: 



xoxo
just so you know,
i wouldn't get here without you.

ps: her man is sweet. her man is sugar.

edited

God, i sound so selfish in this post, but it's really how i feel, so no editing. cause i'm honest for it, and you should accept me for who i am.

only friends can view that previous entry.

fuck.

you make me want to cry over and over and over and over and over again.

but tears are weak, and i hate to be that way.

overly dependant, needy and clingy. not the way i'd want myself to be at all. and i've come to dislike the girl i've become. not thinking in your shoes, being unreasonable.

God, i'm in this way too deep.

i need something to get me out of it.

you make me very happy, but you make me very sad. short and simple.

in a surge of willpower and determination, i'll say it. i'm not going to need you. at least i'm going to try my best not to show you that i do.

lock the doors and build that wall back where it belongs.




but love, you've broken through all my defenses.

"you affect me, you infect me"

sometimes it's not so much as what you already have, but how you hold it.

does that make sense? it kinda does, to me. some feeling of sub-contentment (no such word, but it sounds cool so i'll just wing with it), where i'm content, but i'm not at all.

with what i have, or what i've lost. it's all to do with the opportunity cost, as i've come to realize more and more often these days. you gain something, you lose something; cause it just isn't done to have your cake, and be able to eat it too.

sounds mighty familiar doesn't it?

The Bottom Line

Are you in the early stages of a romance? Try to keep expectations to a minimum.

In Detail

Are you in the early stages of a romance? Then make sure to keep expectations to a minimum. If every conversation isn't as scintillating as it once was, don't worry. Let your conversations be natural and relaxed -- doing so will ensure that this thing between you two lasts! If you are not in a romance right now, then try to get together with a close friend and talk over your feelings about your independence. You are coming to appreciate the way you are in a whole new way

that's my horoscope for the day, courtesy of friendster.

meaningful shit, especially since that's the stuff that has been running haphazardly through my head these few days, apart from the study woes and life alternating choices worrying shit.

alright, might be back to edit and explain, cause now my mum is #(@@)_4(@#*$ - ing again.

crabs for dinner, an early birthday celebration for the twins.

off, taaaaaaaaaa!~


xoxo
brandishing my heart in
your careless hands

ps: i miss you. in more ways you can imagine.
pps: you make me happpppyyyyyyyy.
pps: you're always making my heart contradict itself.

"complicate your breathing" 

disgusting disgusting disgusting.

just a little while more, just a little while more, just a little while more.

i'm not going to stay for long either.

life's too short for hang ups and fuck ups.

 bastard.

bitch.

slut.

whore.

i'm sorry.

my father cancelled my phone line. hallelujah.





















knnbccb!$*@&#@&$@&(#@&*)#*@)#@()*#@)(*#!_{
uneasy,uneasy,uneasy.
no cellphone + no home phone= uncontactable unless online.
nb.